I'm a mushy mum

You know this already...I'm a mum.  And a mushy mum.  I don't know why but I'm just a darn softie.  You show me someone crying and my tears will fall, too.  To be honest, I don't like it.  But that's just the way my eyes are and the tear ducts.

Ok, Len, get to the point, will yah?

So, I just have to share this photo with you.  It's of my son holding a soft toy from Father Christmas at Fritton Lake Winter Wonderland.

Because of his neurological condition, my boy doesn't speak and he's in a wheelchair.  In Santa's Grotto, Father Christmas spoke to him, held his hand and had photos with him.  He just looked around and I knew the scene would be etched in his memory forever but whether or not he understood what went on, I wouldn't have a way of knowing. All the while, I wondered if he understood any of it.  When one of Santa's "Elves" gave me Santa's gift - a soft toy called Rupert Bear on the way out, I handed it to my boy.  As if to answer the question in my mind - he softly got hold of the soft toy, pulled it close to his chest and pressed it against his lips.

You know what?  The sight of him clutching the toy made me so tearful.  He loved it.  In his own way I knew he enjoyed the trip.  And he loved Rupert.

Here's his beautiful photo.  Isn't he lovely?

And I just have to say this, the man who was Father Christmas that afternoon at Fritton Lake was the kindest Father Christmas I've met so far.  If you are reading this, thank you.  I've taken your kind words home with me.

And thank you most especially to Contact-A-Family for this early Christmas family gift. (I meant to post this bit the day I posted my son's photo but needed permission first)

Anything exciting you're doing this for the winter/holiday/Christmas season?


and what makes you all mushy?

I still believe in kindness

Lately, there's been so much violence, harshness and cruelty in the world.  I don't even have to tell you where.  If you look around, I'm sure it's just around every corner.

I'm not going to talk about the recent riots in England, although of course you can count that, too.  Maybe seeing such violence, such greed, such horridness contributed to this sadness that I am feeling right now.  Or maybe it's the fact that two of my best friends have recently lost a loved one (both due to ill health).

I've had my share of life's harshness.  Quite recently, something happened that I couldn't shake off my system.  Perhaps it's because I saw the pain in my husband's eyes when he told me about it.  My husband and I took our son J for a long weekend holiday.  We were at the town centre walking around.  (For those of you who don't know yet, my son travels in his wheelchair.  He has special needs.) As we walked past a few shops, we could see a man, a woman and two children who were also looking around.  As we approached them, the man looked at my husband who was pushing J's wheelchair and glowered at J, then at me.  And just before they walked past, the man said out loud, making sure my husband heard him, "That's what happens when the child is half-caste."

I did not hear this as I was too busy looking around.  Husband told me, in a dejected voice, what was said when we got back to the hotel.  "How can people be so judgmental?"  I didn't know what to say to him.  I tried to comfort him by saying in a nonchalant tone, "You've heard worse than that!  Take no notice of them."  Of course I wasn't very convincing. That night, while my two boys snored themselves to dreamland, I was awake.  Thinking.  Asking.

For a moment, I stopped.  There had been worse than that!  My experiences are not as bad as the ones who have lost their homes or livelihood or even life of a loved one and although it is a small piece of this atrocity that seems to be spreading like a disease,  I shouldn't be focusing on these things.  I have two imaginary boxes in my head:  one is labelled "Forgettable Nonsense"  and another one is "Happy Moments."  Immediately, I mentally put this recent experience into the "Forgettable Nonsense" box.

I rummaged in my "Happy Moments" box.  I needed to find memories of "kindness."

I know it is there.  More than this wicked behaviour.

Like those strangers who help me when I struggle to open the doors while I push J's wheelchair in shops, supermarket and cafes.

The lady who held J's hand and spoke to him a few days ago, even if she knew my son couldn't speak.

Last week, there was a young woman who picked J's cap when he dropped it without me noticing it.

Those emails I receive from friends asking how J is doing? How am I feeling?  Have I gotten some sleep?  Messages that let me know people care.

Ahhhh, my "Happy Moments" box is full.

I do not expect people to like my son.  I understand that sometimes he may look odd to some people.  I am aware that his unusual movements can make some people feel uncomfortable.  This is why when people show me kindness, it means so much to me.

I'd like some respect.  Not pity.

Suspended judgement.

Plain acceptance of something that IS.

When I get a little bit of any of this, coupled with a lot of kindness, I begin to forget the vicious.

I see the goodness of life again.

"Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see" 

 - Mark Twain

This is why I love him

I don't want to get all mushy.  I have no right to be, unless it's Valentine's Day, but it isn't.  But then this is just so nice I'd like to share it with you.  So never mind if it's all mawkish, ha!

Sometime ago, I was in the car with my adorable husband.  One thing I will admit in this post - I am very clumsy.  So what do you do when you are clumsy? Of course - spill something on anything whenever you can!  I spilled Coke over my shirt and my trousers and on the seat of the car.

Husband laughed.  I don't know why he finds me so comical when I do this.

Me:  "Oh, God.  Sorry.  I spilled softdrink on the car seat! Shoot!"

Husband:  *Still laughing*

Me:  "I think I ruined the seat cover."

Husband:  "You are really funny, you."

Me:  "Aren't you angry?"

Husband:  "For what?"

Me:  "Well, I think I ruined the seat.  This will stain..."

Husband:  "It's only a car seat.  My wife is more important than a car!"

He laughed again and held my hand.

Isn't he lovely?  This is what I keep in mind when things aren't as good as the good days.

My adorable hubby doing what he loves:  birdwatching.

PS.  Yes, I wiped the seat dry.  And luckily, it didn't stain. :)  But on my white shirt, it did.

My little piece of heaven

Some of you may already be aware that my son J has complex needs.  He doesn't walk.  He doesn't speak. I think I've written in one of my posts how I waited for milestones that never happened.  I waited and looked at the calendar each month, each year.  Then I stopped counting.

He was three years old when he held a feeding bottle.  He was four when he began to roll over.  Yes, when other three year olds and four year olds were learning to read and write, my son was only beginning to roll over.  Then he stopped doing them due to the intractable seizures.

I haven't given up though.  Because my husband and I talk to him each day and lately, we have been encouraging him to say 'Ahhh.'  This has been for a few days now, or maybe a week or so.

A few days ago, we got a response from him.

Yes.  A response.  After so many years of waiting.  I got a response.

He opened his mouth whilst in a lengthy gaze as I said 'ahhh' in front of him, asking him to copy me.  He moved his lips and opened his mouth like he was going to say 'ahhh'....but no sound came.  But he opened his mouth!  HE DID! Then he did it again, not once, not twice but several times.  With me.  Then with his Dad.

I got all misty-eyed.  I couldn't believe it! *Sigh*

I got a piece of heaven.

There's something there.  I know there is.  One day I know I'm going to see it.  It maybe wishful thinking but I know J is in there and he wants to come out.  I'd like to see it one day.  And hear his voice saying something.  Even if it's only to say 'Ahhh.'

Yes, that is heaven enough for me. And I'd like another piece of it someday.

"The most important things in life aren't things." -
Anthony J. D'Angelo

*******

Have you heard of Carly's story? I found it on the internet, let me share it with you:

Don't we all have that Inner Strength?

Not too long ago, I deactivated a blog site which was all about my son, J.  I thought that it was unfair because he couldn't tell me if he agreed to the idea or not.  He is a special needs boy.  He cannot talk so he will never be able to tell me.  But today, just for today, I'd like to talk about him to answer some questions friends often ask me.  I must warn you, this will be an unusually long post.

"Do you cry each time something happens?"
"Where do you get your strength from?"
And, quite often, they say to me in sympathy, "It must be horrible for you."

I'd like to say, before you continue reading, that I don't want pity.  We are not an unfortunate family.  We are probably just different from the regular families you see around you.  But like everybody else, we have good days and bad days...and we've had a few bad days quite recently.  J had just been to the hospital again.  It was one of the many times when we had to call an ambulance.  He can be unwell all of a sudden - from  a seizure to a cough that we think is harmless but then turns into a nasty chest infection.  He is fragile and because he cannot walk, he is often prone to infections.

Stressful, you say.  And I say, yes.  But I guess one gets used to it.  How do I handle the stress? When something happens, I  become the supermum.  No, just kidding.  What I mean is, I just have to deal with the situation rationally.  It breaks my heart to see my son unwell.  But I cannot let panic or emotion get the better of me.  I have to think straight at all times - until I am sure J is safe.  And the family is alright.  Then I sit down and go with the pain.  Do I cry?  Yes, if I need to.  If it gets too much for me.  Let's face it, I'm still a human being.  I have to let the tears fall - to feel okay afterwards.

Very often, people say, "I wonder where you get your strength from."  Believe me, you have the same strength, too.  I can't remember if it was Julia Roberts who said something like this in a magazine interview:  "When you become a mother, you discover that strength in you that you never know you have."  But I say this, the kind of inner strength she talked about isn't only found when you become a mum.  Everyone has it and you discover it in you when you have to use it, when life throws something challenging at you.  Remember the saying, "What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger."

I always try to be positive.  To see the light at the end of the tunnel.  To continue to believe that when there's life, there's hope.  And the sun always shines after the rain (in the UK, it doesn't though.  It stays gloomy most days. That is unfortunate).  When we have good days, we enjoy them.  We love going out, having a meal together, shopping together.  J is adorable and we get a lot of joy from him.

I don't know how I stay positive.  I try my best to be.  In life, we always have a choice - to get depressed or to be happy.  To feel sorry for ourselves or get on with it and make the most out of it.  I feel down and out too, sometimes. But in the end, I always choose to not complain about life.  But to embrace it.

The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on water, but to walk on earth. (Chinese Proverb)

PS.  Thank you for the virtual hugs and love you send through your e-mails and phone calls.  They make me feel better.

Be safe in this weather!

Just got home.  We were supposed to relax tonight but it was totally the opposite.

On the way home from Great Yarmouth, there was a heavy fall of sleet, rain and snow.  As a strong gust of wind blew against the windscreen of the car, my husband and I heard something snap.  We did not know what it was until we noticed the wipers had stopped moving.  We couldn't see the road!  We were on a long narrow road with no lay-by!  We stopped for a few minutes but realised that we were causing too much traffic so husband drove slowly to find a safe place to stop so we could phone the breakdown service.  It scared the hell out of me!  We couldn't see a thing with all the rain and the big lorries coming from the opposite side of the road splashing and spraying more water and mud on our windscreen!

After a few more minutes - which felt like forever - of facing danger, we finally found a safe corner and pulled over.  The breakdown van came in less than half and hour, fixed the windscreen (which needed replacing so the repair was only temporary) and followed us home - to safety. 

Whew.  Thank God we're okay.

Now I'm going to grab a blanket and wrap myself up, have a cup of hot choco and relax in front of the telly.

How about you?  Anything exciting happening?  Whatever you are doing, I hope you are all safe this Thanksgiving. Take care!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Have you done the laundry lately?

I do the laundry almost every day now when I get home to give me more time to enjoy the weekend with my family. Husband also usually helps by putting all the washing in the machine before I get home. So, two days ago, we were in Tesco's to do a little bit of shopping....I needed more detergent to do my washing! I was in the laundry/cleaning items isle when two lovely ladies came up to me and asked, 'Excuse me, do you know what's the difference between a 'bio' and a 'non-bio' detergent?' I wanted to help....but I also wondered what the difference was but never bothered to look it up. So I was speechless for a few seconds because (1) nobody has ever asked me for anything in a supermarket (2) people seem to think I do not speak English because of my Asian looks and (3) it is very seldom in Norfolk that I get to encounter a friendly stranger's face. So I was stunned for a few seconds, couldn't believe someone was, in fact, talking to me...After a few seconds that seemed like eternity, I said, 'I also wondered...and thought it could be something to do with the chemicals affecting the environment? Also heard that non-bio is a lot better but to be honest, it is a lot more expensive and I tried it once and saw not much difference in the result so I am sticking to bio.' What a stupid answer! How can you not know this, Len? How? I shrugged and looked at them innocently. The two ladies both politely smiled and thanked me...thanked me for what? I didn't give them any useful answer! I felt useless. No one has ever asked for my help in the supermarket. Now that someone did - I couldn't help???? I felt utterly and totally useless. So I thought now I should look it up. Who knows I might get asked again! Perhaps now that I've lived in Norfolk for almost 4 years, I may be starting to look like I do and can speak English :-) so of course people are friendlier and likely to talk to me. Ok...so now what's next? I looked it up of course. What's the use of the internet? This is what I found on Wikipedia: A biological detergent is a laundry detergent that contains enzymes. The description is commonly used in the United Kingdom, where other washing detergents are described as "non-biological". The terms are sometimes abbreviated to "bio" and "non-bio". The purposes of the enzymes is to break down protein, starches and fat that may be found in dirt and stains upon clothing to be laundered, for example food stains, sweat or mud. Some people may be allergic to the enzymes as the enzymes can be transferred to the skin when wet clothes that have just been cleaned with biological detergents are touched. The enzymes then restart the breakdown reaction on the skin- particularly protease. The selling point of non-biological detergents is that they are gentler, causing less irritation to skin ("kinder on the skin") and less damage to the fabric. Some studies refute the claim that non-biological detergents are gentler. I don't buy this though. I am not going to start using bio detergent, simply because non-bios are unbelievably expensive, I think it is a rip-off! So, if the two beautiful ladies who came up to me two days ago are reading this, forgive me for not being able to give you an answer. I hope the above is sufficient enough. See you again at Tesco's!

Day Out with Husband

Mood: Relaxed. Enjoying the long weekend with husband and son. Enjoying the sun!

BLICKLING HALL - NORFOLK, ENGLAND.

It's been a long time since I last shared with you what's been happening with me and my family. It's been busy, hectic and challenging, I must say. My son was in the hospital for 7 days in March...and he's okay now, thank God! He is gaining a lot of weight which is good! We will be moving to a house that's suitable for his special needs soon but we still do not have the date. We are getting there. It just takes time.

On Saturday, husband and I were able to get a few hours respite (thanks to Crossroads). We did some shopping and had a nice, relaxing drive home. On our way home, we drove past Blickling Hall and decided to have a look. It was marvelous! Blickling Hall is a stately home in Aylsham in Norfolk, England. This is now in the care of the National Trust. This home was once in the possession of the Boleyn family, and home to Sir Thomas Boleyn, Earl of Wiltshire and his wife Elizabeth, years 1499 - 1505. To know more, please click here. I have always been mesmerised by the structure and architecture of old English houses and buildings and this one had me in awe once again. It was just very nice to see. I cannot imagine anybody living in such a huge place! You would need an intercom to talk to each other in there! Sadly, husband and I didn't get the chance to see what's inside but next time we probably will.

Top Photo - part of Blickling Hall with the lovely flowers called 'wisteria.' They look really beautiful.

Bottom Photo - The marvelous Blickling Hall.

Being a Mum Again

My boy is finally here with us. We've been busy but I'm not complaining. But we've also been worried and stressed out because he was in the hospital for 7 days for chest infection. He's getting better now, thank God.

People have been really supportive and very kind. The nurses at the hospital were great! The doctors were really good.

This may sound really weird - but it feels really peaceful being right in front of my laptop right now, typing away. It feels really relaxing. I haven't done this in ages...I've missed it. Life seems to have become so busy and fast for the last six weeks. No, don't get me wrong. I am not complaining. Seeing my child very ill and being at the hospital was so worrying and stressful. I want him to enjoy being with us and to be happy, jolly and healthy. But as soon as he got here, he was unwell. It felt really bad. I am only a human being and I get tired and weary...so now I'm 'typing-away' my woes so I hope you bear with me.

I haven't even told you about our trip to the Philippines and how enjoyable it was...and how sad it was to leave all my great friends and family. I will share with you all and of course show you the best photographs. Husband and I spent wonderful days and evenings with very good friends Ninang Ruby, Ninong Zal and their lovely children, Ninang Jill, Ninong Joe and Anton, and our good (I mean great!) old friends at WHO where I used to work. I'm missing them all. I really feel bad about not seeing my other friends whom I haven't seen for many years. We didn't have enough time to see everybody and I know some of them may have felt bad (we call it 'tampo' in the Philippines) and may have thought we did it on purpose but the truth is we didn't. If we were there for a longer period, we would have seen all of them, but we were there only for 2 weeks. But then, there will be a next time. Hopefully next time will be a better time and we will be able to see everyone. We may even get together for a really big posh party, who knows? So for now, I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

In the meantime, I'd like to enjoy being a Mum again. Having J around is bliss. It's nice. I am looking forward to seeing he has fully recovered and that he is so much better.

Will keep you posted.

I will be a busy Mum again!

I know I haven't written anything for quite awhile. I have been really busy getting things for my boy, J. From diapers to fan heater in his bedroom. Husband and I are now getting very excited. It is getting warmer, a little bit, so I am hoping that the weather will not be too harsh when he arrives in England.

My life will change once again when my boy gets here and I am oh-so looking forward to it.

Of course, I will keep you updated. I hope you bear with me as my life will once again be very very busy being a Mum.

Me? Bake a cake? No way!

Yes, you have just read it right. I baked a cake. A loaf of banana cake. Unbelievable. I have never baked my entire life. I just got challenged that a male colleague was bragging about baking a banana cake and saying that it is so easy, that he just mixes all the ingredients up together and shoves it in the oven, wait for about an hour, and voila! It's all done. So, I was thinking...this bloke knows how to bake??? And I don't??? So, on the way home one Friday evening, I asked hubby to take me to the supermarket and we shopped for all the ingredients, with the list in my hand - and of course, a lot of assistance from husband (how do I know what 'self raising flour' is?) to see if I was getting all the right things from the shelves.

The result? My husband gave me a 10 out of 10! Not bad for someone who has just started baking, huh? Because of that very good rating, I am sharing with you the banana cake recipe that I got from Cook UK, please click here.

I used sultanas, instead of nuts, by the way. It was yummy! Yes, I'm tooting my own horn, ha!