This is why I love him

I don't want to get all mushy.  I have no right to be, unless it's Valentine's Day, but it isn't.  But then this is just so nice I'd like to share it with you.  So never mind if it's all mawkish, ha!

Sometime ago, I was in the car with my adorable husband.  One thing I will admit in this post - I am very clumsy.  So what do you do when you are clumsy? Of course - spill something on anything whenever you can!  I spilled Coke over my shirt and my trousers and on the seat of the car.

Husband laughed.  I don't know why he finds me so comical when I do this.

Me:  "Oh, God.  Sorry.  I spilled softdrink on the car seat! Shoot!"

Husband:  *Still laughing*

Me:  "I think I ruined the seat cover."

Husband:  "You are really funny, you."

Me:  "Aren't you angry?"

Husband:  "For what?"

Me:  "Well, I think I ruined the seat.  This will stain..."

Husband:  "It's only a car seat.  My wife is more important than a car!"

He laughed again and held my hand.

Isn't he lovely?  This is what I keep in mind when things aren't as good as the good days.

My adorable hubby doing what he loves:  birdwatching.

PS.  Yes, I wiped the seat dry.  And luckily, it didn't stain. :)  But on my white shirt, it did.

Winter Blues

Mood: Blah.
I have been under the weather for a couple of weeks now. Blocked nose, queasiness. I feel like I'm coming down with a flu. Yesterday I had a temperature and I felt so weak. I feel drained. I don't know what it is really.
I don't know if it's got to do with the weather and the temperature or the lack of sunlight but lately I've been feeling the blues. Even my husband has got it I think because we had a row twice last month. I'm beginning to worry now. Husband never ever had a mood as bad as these last two. Because we are both, as he calls it - 'strong-minded', we both ended up drained. Of course I ended up crying. Why do I always have to be the one who cries? I think I should stop that.
Anyway, I hope things get better. I don't like it. It's not nice. When my husband gets really annoyed and angry and says things he doesn't mean, I can see all love going away. I don't know if you feel that but I do. In the same way that I feel when my Mum gets very angry at me. I feel all love going away. I feel only anger. I feel all the negative energy around me and inside me. And it drains me. Sometimes I feel like going to sleep after crying so hard and after getting very very upset.

I've been reading the book 'Rules of Life' by Richard Templar. Rule No 11 says 'Be the last to raise your voice'...it's got a point, good point but it's too difficult to follow. Sometimes the only way to point something out is to raise your voice or the only way for someone to listen to you is to shout. I know, I know, most of the time it gets nowhere. I think I should just keep my mouth shut if I feel like there's an impending argument. Or some grumpiness is imminent. Count to 10. I've heard this before, I should know better!

So, yes, I am having the blues. I guess husband is also having it. I hope it goes soon. It doesn't help me when I get the blues. It just makes me feel so fed up of everything...of life most of all.

My cold is going. Temperature has gone down. Hubby made me a hot pea and ham soup on Friday morning when I was ill. So I think things are getting better.

I hope the weather also gets better. I like winter but I don't think it likes me the same way?

Born for each other

Do you remember David Pomeranz? He is a singer that became really popular in the Philippines a few years ago. I remember him having a concert with Sharon Cuneta and also guesting in Sharon's show. I don't find him exceptionally good but there is one song that he sang that I really really like. I have been listening to romantic music lately. No, I haven't taken any romantic pills lately but for some reason, this song keeps playing in my head. I keep thinking of getting married all over again to my husband and dancing a slow dance with him once again with all our friends and family looking, in the soft, lovely tune of David Pomeranz's Born For You. You know why I love the song? It's because every word of it seems to match the things that I want to say to my husband every day. Imagine the odds of the two of us meeting! I was halfway across the world and really, it seemed that the powers of the Universe conspired for us to meet - yes, exactly what the song says! That was five years ago when we met. ..and 3 months from now, hubby and I will be celebrating our 3rd Year Wedding Anniversary. It seems almost yesterday when we got married. Now we're turning 3! I didn't want to wait for December to sing this to my better half, so here's my favourite song for you, dear husband! Mwah! Born For You David Pomeranz Too many billion people Running around the planet What is the chance in heaven That you'd find your way to me Tell me what is this sweet sensation It's a miracle that's happened Though I searched for an explanation Only one thing it could be That I was born for you It was written in the stars Yes I was born for you And the choice was never ours It's as if the powers of the universe Conspired to make you mine And till the day I die I blessed the day that I was born for you Too many foolish people Trying to come between us None of them seems to matter When I looked into your eyes Now I know why I belong here In your arms I found the answer Somehow nothing would seemed so wrong here If they'd only realized That I was born for you And that you were born for me And in this random world This was clearly meant to be What we have the world Could never understand Or ever take away And till the day I die I blessed the day that I was born for you What we have the world Could never understand Or ever take away And as the years go by Until the day I die I blessed the day that I was born for you

The lady behind my wedding dress!

Mood: Very good.

I love weddings. It's probably because I'm a hopeless romantic. I just love the idea of getting married, looking at the eyes of your beloved, exchanging vows. I love seeing the happy tears, the glowing face of the bride, the happy tearful eyes of the groom. I know love doesn't end there and I know that it is only the beginning. But then, weddings are beautiful. Everybody is happy - unless it's a shotgun wedding, no! - but generally, weddings are lovely...they are full of love, joy, excitement. They are full of beautiful people. Everybody dresses up.

My wedding in 2005 was a simple one. But I loved it. I still love looking at the photographs and I always tell my better half that I want to do it all over again. I still feel the same after almost 3 years. I still want to marry the same man all over again.

But I'm getting derailed there. (Focus, Len, focus...) Today, something reminded me of my own wedding and my wedding dress. My wedding dress was a very simple dress made by my Ate Adora, a very very good friend of mine. She made all my long dresses when I needed them for my 'moonlighting' (Ooops - don't get me wrong there - I used to 'moonlight' as an emcee/presenter at wedding receptions and corporate events when I was in the Philippines, not that 'moonlight' you have got in mind, whatever that is...). The dresses that she made for me were all beautiful but my favourite was my wedding dress. It was a Maria Clara-inspired wedding top, matched by a long flowing white skirt. She made me a shawl made of pina-organza fabric with pearl beads along the edges. I was a little bit overweight (OK, OK, delete the 'a little bit' part, I was overweight!)when I got married but I felt beautiful in this dress.

Ate Adora did not see me in this dress because she wasn't able to come to my wedding. This is actually a long overdue entry - yes, 3 years and I wrote it only now ***sigh*** don't give me that look, I already know! This is to thank Ate Adora for making me feel so special and beautiful on my special day and for making so many brides beautiful by making them the most beautiful wedding gowns!

Ate Adors, this post is for you! You know what??? I think you are the next Monique Lhuillier!!! Kudos to you!

If you want to see more of Ate Adora's creations, please click here.

Note: None of the photos show my wedding dress but these are all works of Ate Adora. Unfortunately, there wasn't any good photograph of my dress. The ones that I have got are amateur shots, very amateur that they are not worth publishing. But maybe, just maybe, you will love the back view of it, here:

Retail Therapy and Father's Day

Mood: Better than yesterday
Tendencies: None
Warning: For the most part of this entry, it can be construed as moaning and whining about yesterday's happening. If you've got an earache (or eyeache?), you better not read this. But this is more to tell what happened behind the the red shoes and the white trouser suit.

What better way to make yourself feel better than go shopping? Yes, I still felt bad this morning so I went shopping.

I understand hubby wanted to go to work. Fine by me. But what annoyed me even more was that, instead of making amends, I was ignored. I may have over-reacted. It was just a summer ball for goodness' sake, Len. It was only £25 that was lost. It was only the days that I looked for a dress, the shoes, the purse. The nights that I imagined myself wearing the trouser suit that I finally found. With all of these things in my head, I went berserk when he wouldn't talk to me about it the morning after I was told that we weren't going. Husband said it was childish the way that I behaved (I threw pillows all around the bedroom!) and reacted after he ignored me. I thought he behaved arrogantly - well for me that was arrogant to behave that way to your wife - not talking to me as if to say, 'Well, I don't care how you feel. That's just the way that it is, Take it or leave it.' He didn't say it literally, no, but I just thought perhaps that was the message. He later explained that he didn't know how to react or what to say because he knew I was upset. In my case, I needed to vent out my anger. I needed a punching bag with his photograph stuck on it but I didn't have that so I threw pillows around the room instead. In the past, I had punched pillows in frustration and anger whilst he was at work so he's never seen this side of me. Bottomline, he said hurtful words he shouldn't have said in reaction to my over-reaction.

Maybe I was expecting too much from him. Maybe I was forgetting that he is from the West and I am from the East and our way of life are two different things. I know what my Dad would do when Mum was feeling bad about something (in the Philippines, this is called 'tampo' or 'sama ng loob'). Husband doesn't know how to deal with 'tampo' and most often, I forget that that's the case and that in his country, 'tampo' doesn't exist and so dealing with it is unknown.

My better half doesn't get angry so easily. He is a person so easy and pleasant to live with and for that, I feel so lucky. I am the one who gets frustrated, gets angry, gets annoyed easily. My excuse? I am a woman, that's why. But when I get really angry, the problem arises when my husband also gets irritated so we end up not talking to each other. If we do talk in the end - it becomes an argument because he makes sure he wins and he doesn't apologise. The two magic words for me when I feel really bad are 'I'm sorry.' But husband never learns this. Maybe it isn't in his psyche. Maybe it's about time I accept this fact. Or maybe it's about time not to sweat the small stuff. (My other self wanting to butt in: B-b-buut, it's no small stuff!!! It's a ball for Heaven's sake! @:£$(!"@!!!! Ziiipp.)

Today it's Father's Day. I don't want to ruin his day. He's been a good father to our boy...and he was, to my knowledge, a very good Dad to his other 5 children - now all grown up - before I came into his life. But today, sadly, no one remembered. Nobody sent a card. No phonecalls from anyone of them. So I thought I'd forget about what happened yesterday and get him something special. Tonight, when he comes home, I will give him this:

It's my way of saying 'I'm sorry' for over-reacting and for what he calls 'a childish' behaviour. It's my way of saying despite the hurtful things that was said and his inability to apologise, I know he is a wonderful person. It is my way of saying that he is bigger than his shortcomings and his love is bigger than anything else in the world. Most of all, it is to say he means the world to me.

PS: Tampo refers to a Filipino cultural behavior in which one withdraws affection or cheerfulness from a person who has hurt one's feelings - Reference: Wikipedia. Click here to read more.