Sunday, 29 June 2008

Do you burn bridges?

Mood: Tired (Just finished doing DIY)

My question is not literal of course. By 'burning bridges,' I mean ending relationships - for example friendship? Or maybe ending any form of communication with an acquaintance, a colleague or someone you know or even a relative perhaps? Well, of course, I wouldn't know your answer. Me? Do I burn bridges? Yes. And I have. I even had to cut off all forms of communications with a cousin. Why? You ask. Because sometimes it is the best thing to do, in my best judgment, for both parties.

In life, people come and go. The way I look at life, I see chapters. In each chapter, we meet people and build friendships. Some friends stay, some leave. With some, we create memorable - even beautiful - memories. With some, the memories become bitter and at times, painful. In my experience, when it becomes too painful and too difficult for me to bear - I end it. When a friendship is no longer a friendship, when I don't think I am still growing as a person and when it is turning me into a monster instead of making me a better person, then I call it quits.

I am not a mean, insensitive, cruel human being. In fact, it is not to toot my own horn, but to state a fact, I give what I can give when it comes to friendship. Friendship, for me, is a very deep word. Friends are like my second family. People who you can run to when the world has turned away from you...in the same way that these are people who can run to you when the world has turned away from them. So when this changes, it becomes really difficult. When you are no longer 'in synch' with the person, when you are no longer in the same wave length...then I think it is time to move on.

This reminds me of a cousin who I loved so dearly when we were little girls. She lived in the countryside and I lived in the city. We wrote to each other and we were bestfriends. When finally we met, we were so ecstatic and we did almost everything together. Then that changed. I changed. She changed. Over the next few years, I tried to synchronize myself with her and to follow her wave length. But one day, I just got fed up. I got really, extremely, angry. I was drained. All hopes gone. I said the most horrible things - horrible things that, up to now, I still do not regret saying. I am not proud of what I have done but I still think she deserved them. That was about four years ago if I am not mistaken. I still think I did the right thing by ending it all. I didn't want to have anything to do with her and I still feel the same. I still believe it was the right thing to do. Another cousin once asked me, 'Te Len, please forgive her.' My heart melted. It was time to look back, 'Have I forgiven her, really?' Yes, I have. There was no longer anger in my heart. I was able to let it go and living my life away from all the bad memories helped a lot. As my better half always says, 'They are just tiny dots from afar. They are no longer here. They can no longer hurt you.' He is right. What happened four years ago doesn't hurt me any more. I have forgiven the person. But I still think that what happened was for the best. I wish her well but I no longer wish for her to be part of my life or me to be part of hers. I am better off without her. I am a better person without her.

So, yes, I do burn bridges when I think it is the most logical thing to do. I keep the bridge burned for years. But I keep my doors open. If a time comes, when the bridge can be rebuilt, if it is at all possible, then I am ready for that change as well. But that is, IF the time ever comes.

5 comments:

Gina said...

In action movies when the 'bida' burns a bridge or cut off the end of the hanging bridge, so the 'kontrabidas' wouldn't be able to cross and catch him and do him harm, it is for self-preservation. In real life, sometimes we have to do the same.

Karla said...

I can totally relate sis. I have burned bridges with some closest childhood friends just a few months back. Ít hurts to do so but sometimes its inevitable.

Anonymous said...

....this is well-written, Len....just very minor editing, but it's really good, overall...keep on writing, you're getting better and better:).....

Ruby said...

....this is well-written, Len....just very minor editing, but it's really good, overall...keep on writing, you're getting better and better:).....(that Anonymous is me:)....I didn't know I didn't place my name, or that "Anonymous" was clicked, haha :)

Ruby said...

....my eldest doter(you-know-who) read this posting and saw "Has Anyone Told You Lately?" last night, and it hit her...talk about timing, she's on the brink of "burning bridges" with some so-called "friends"...and I also advised her same - that if in the future their paths cross again, maybe they can build a new bridge, a much better and sturdy one, hopefully....